sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
