thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
