but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
