It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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