I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
