im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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