I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
