whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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