Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
