Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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