remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
