PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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