I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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