Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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