Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
