but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
