mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
