If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
