1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
