he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
