i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
