But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
