smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize