the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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