____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
