The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
