it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
