I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
