Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
