You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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