i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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