I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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