I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
