Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
