so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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