So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
