id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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