Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
