Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
