ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
