tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize