did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
MIDGETS
????
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
