wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I understand Curling. That high.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
