After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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