I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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