Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
