found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize