I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
