Kiss
Puke
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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