hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
