I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
