Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
