If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
