Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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