but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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