So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
