how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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