Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
