Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
