So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Drake has all the answers
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
