I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
