I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
