I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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