Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
