You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
