Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
