Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
