No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
