Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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