i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
