maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize