It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
