Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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