i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
