Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize