That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
