I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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