is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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