My Higher Power is John Stamos
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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