Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
