She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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