so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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