wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize