Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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