I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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