You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
