She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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