dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
