Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
