My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
