dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
