He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize