why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
