So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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