I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
