Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i've created a new STD.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize