they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
