I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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