I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
