Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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