I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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