you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
