How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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